* Disclaimer for the gullible:

No, I did not really do any of these things, and no, you really shouldn’t either. You should stay far, far away from people for 7-8 days while you are irradiated and take all proper precautions to keep from exposing them. TIA & GB

 


 

1: Drive to O’Hare and walk through the security gate, just to see what happens. If it creates a fun little disturbance, rinse and repeat at Midway and Mitchell if you can run fast enough…

 

2: Leave the light off when you use the toilet at night and glance in the bowl to see if your urine really does glow. Take pictures, send to your friends, and post them on the internet if it does!

 

3: Drive through Starbucks with a radioactive symbol hanging around your neck.

 

4:  Stand outside a hospital with a sign that says ‘Human X-Ray machine: $20.00 – Why pay more? Get the best for less!’*

*sorry, no insurance accepted at these ridiculously low rates!

 

5:  Grab that annoying neighbor and give him a deep, passionate kiss, then walk away satisfied in knowing now he’s either only got 30 seconds to live, or he just became sterile, either of which is a win-win situation as far as you are concerned!

 

6:  Let your spouse walk in the bathroom and catch you ‘accidently’ using their toothbrush.

 

7:  Order pizza delivery. When the pizza guy shows up, break out your radioactive sign and stick it on the outside of the door with a sheepish “Almost forgot – sorry!”

 

8. Determine the location of the nearest nuclear power plant and walk around just outside, listening to people inside freak out as the ‘leak’ is discovered, but never pinpointed. Giggle. A lot.

 

9.  See if you can reheat leftover spaghetti by sitting it on the table next to you.

 

10. Wait till the next person is using the bathroom you kept to yourself for the week you were irradiated, then let them overhear you say “I don’t remember… did I clean that bathroom yet?”

Advertisements